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Joel Stein hires the Hollywood trainer who whips these kinds of guys into shape, finds powers he never knew he had, and finally figures out…Worlds are being saved by Chris Pratt, Seth Rogen, and Paul Rudd—men who, just a movie or two ago, looked like me, a guy who could probably be the guardian of his own lunch but definitely not a whole galaxy.

Now, somehow, these funny schlubs have transformed into the shredded, shirtless muscleheads that guys like me are supposed to mock, fear, and envy, all at the same time.

Hollywood's new generation of superheroes aren't so much entertaining me as shaming me.

Enough, I was shocked to discover, that I felt compelled to do something about it.

"Harley is a bald, intimidating linebacker-shaped 40-year-old Canadian Jew.